Atonement
by F.4.7.3
Summary: Flare ended up in confession room, in wrong time and at wrong place, where Lazlo made a session which he should have never made. Charas: Flare, Lino, Lazlo. Disc: Suikoden Wil never be mine.


Atonement

* * *

"Good night, father."

It was late of night, when most people had gone to their slumber. Flare had spent the night with his father, King Lino to discuss things, along with Elenor and Kika, after liberating Obel. Lazlo was supposed to be there, but shooed but the three adults to get rest. Yes, they demanded him to get more rest since he was just up from his three days cold. He miraculously survived after using the massive power of the rune, but people could tell he wasn't quite fit like before. Somehow... he was looked as if he was suffering, even in his cold back then.

The Obel Kingdom owed him. Everyone owed him. Flare owed him. He had just saved everyone AGAIN, by feeding his life to that rune.

Flare stretched her arms, never thought the meeting would take so long. It had passed the midnight! Her father, Kika, and Elenor continued their session with drinking, with Elenor's best old wine. The corridor was dark, and...

There was a curious girl in front of a mirror, amazingly dozed off on her feet, murmuring something. Viki, as she could remember the name.

"Hey?" Flare came closer to her. She amazed how the teleportress managed to sleep so soundly on her feet. And, what was that 'Waffu' she was murmuring about?

And perhaps nobody had ever warned Flare about that clumsy teleportress, she tapped her shoulder to wake her up. Suddenly...

SHAZAM!

... she fell on something hard, after sudden whiteness surrounding her faded.

 _W-where am I_? She started to panic. She was in a dark room, with a screen dividing another side. After awhile, she called down. She was in the confession room, on the other side of confessor's. Good thing she wasn't teleported out from the ship.

"Is somebody here?"

Suddenly, someone entered from the other side. Flare stunned as she held her breath. And she realized how stupid it was, since she did nothing bad. Why must she pretend like she wasn't here?

"... I must be hearing things again..."

And Flare recognized that calm voice. It was Lazlo. That silhouette of that headband was also his trademark. It's not hard to recognized him. But, he was supposed to be resting right now, since he developed fever while meeting. He wasn't very up for his duty yet, but he still resist to do everything. Even his friends had told her, Lazlo kept pushing himself, doing everything. He would need some scolding and lectures.

And about his, 'hearing things', it caught Flare's awareness.

He closed the door quietly, and then sat on a chair which set in the middle of the room. He sighed heavily. He really should be resting, Flare thought.

"Commander..."

He started murmuring something.

"... I'm sorry..."

 _Commander? Which commander did he just say?_

Flare sighed his memory. Yes, he was an ex-knight. And if her memories serves her right, maybe THAT commander who she couldn't remember his name. Jewel said it before, the commander adored Lazlo very much, and trusted him like his own son.

"Commander..." He murmured again, as if he was half-asleep, half-conscious. "I have defied your command... that time..."

He sounded a little bit hoarse. And, it wasn't like Lazlo, to talk everything within his heart. He was a quiet person, and never complained about anything. Was his fever got the best of him?

"Many... many things happened after I inherit this rune. You've passed away... so suddenly."

Suddenly, Flare just listened to everything he had said, as if they were in a confession session. Yes, perhaps Lazlo was really sick, and started to saying nonsense like a drunk. But, people was the most honest when they were sick, or drunk.

"Did I... really have put you to rest, when we met in that place? Or I've killed your soul instead? You looked suffering so much... like the others."

Flare didn't get about what he was talking. Kill? Soul? Didn't his commander die because of the rune?

But then, she remembered his father ever mentioned to her, the rune let the bearer seeing things from past bearer. Harshly said, the Rune tormented the bearer, in many ways it could. Kika had said before, his friend, Brandeau, changed after inherited the rune. Rakgi's father left his family. And Flare's mother... along with her baby brother. Her brother, who she didn't even remember how he looks like.

And, there was another victim, right before her...

"... And after I inherited this rune, I am afraid to get sleep. Even... to close my eyes for a bit..." He claimed. "Is that what you had been seeing all that time, Commander? Those screams... keep ringing in my head..."

Lazlo let some silence out to the air.

"... those sad... and painful screams..." He continued. "So, I decided to do it, as I have done to Rakgi's father, that boy, and pirate Brandeau... for maybe at least... relieve your suffering..."

Flare could feel a pain, deep in her heart. It became the answer, why Lazlo always, always refused to get any rest. He even looked restless in his sleep, when Flare look after him. He had been seeing things, hearing things. Things he could never tell anyone.

Even if he told people what he truly had experienced, who would really understand? His fear. His pain. His suffering.

No one.

No one, but Lazlo himself.

And he managed, to cover them, all by himself.

"... Lady Elenor told me to 'prepare for the worst if anything should ever happen'."

Elenor, their tactician, had told them war were actually just like a real-time chess. Flare agreed. No actual turns, every single moment counts. In addition, no rules. Cheating was absolutely allowed. Every single thing could become the chess piece. What matter most was only one.

Victory.

And to reach it, sometimes sacrifice is evitable. Sometimes, some chess pieces must be sacrificed to prevent the loss.

Just like what Lazlo had done in times. He was the formidable piece, to be put on first line. Yet, the piece was reaching its very limit already.

Maybe Lazlo was already noticed, the next time he uses the rune in large scale, would be his final moment.

"Will I be ended up like you too, Commander...? Just like Pirate Brandeau, that kid, and Rakgi's father...?"

And mother... Flare thought, sadly. Her mother too, died because of that rune. Flare was five, and only remember that event very vaguely. What she actually had remembered really clearly was that shrieking, fire, and that very moment her mother faded to ashes...

Not only her mother she and her father had lost. Her baby brother, whom was about to reach his four within a week. Her baby brother, whom she couldn't even remember how he looked like. Even his father said, the youngest of En Kuldes wasn't even able to remember his own name yet. Even his father, couldn't keep the hope up for her baby brother to be survived.

He sighed. Flare heard that. And then he laughed a little as if mocking himself. But his small laughter, sounded so tired, and sad.

"That night, when Obel was attacked by Kooluk's 3rd fleet, I used the rune, just like you did, Commander..."

Ah, that night. The night after Lazlo attacked by Ramada's group, she remembered that well. A surprise attack from Kooluk and her father was so much overwhelmed. Enemies just kept coming.

The situation was really bad. And Lazlo had to use the Rune, and immediately join his father to fight.

"That moment, there was a slight thought. It's fine to die because using the rune." He confessed. That night, when Setsu might had been offended Lazlo's feeling. What Setsu had said, as if the Obel took Lazlo's life for granted.

"I'm an orphan, anyway , and an exile of Razril. Death... It would be fine for me..." Lazlo repeated it again. "Since there was no one would need to mourn over my death, it's... fine..."

A sharp pain was felt in Flare's chest. Why the hell he had that pessimistic thought? Or perhaps, Setsu's words had actually been absorbed through his heart. Yes, Lazlo did understand, Setsu had not any ill intention for it. It's only for the kingdom's sake.

But, something was just wrong. Yes, Lazlo was an orphan. Still, it didn't mean that his life became less precious than the rest of the people!

"... No one would actually cry... over my death..."

 _Stop it...!_ Flare screamed in her heart. She didn't want to hear that from him. She hated this feeling. It reminded her to her mother's death. _Don't say anything as if your life's worthless!_ She felt as if Lazlo took his own life just like a mere rune cannon ammo.

Yes, there were half of the people actually avoiding him like a plague, though he never say a thing about it. It's just the nature of human, struggling anyway to survive. But, not everyone actually did!

She really didn't want Lazlo die, very much. She cared so much about him. Elenor, regretting when he used the rune liberating Obel. People worried about him very much, not only his close friends. Some people like, Yu and Carrie, tried to ease his pain even just a little; Jeane, giving him advises about rune. Even Ted, the unsociable one, taught him what he knew about true runes, so maybe Lazlo could cope with his rune even a little. Not to mention her father, he actually adored Lazlo very much, like his own right hand man.

And Flare, actually were very comfortable, whenever she talk to him, or near him, just like she was to her father. Yes, there were time she actually felt pity toward Lazlo. But most of the time, she admired him. He could be so strong, even with every burden he had with him. When they were talking, it would always connected smoothly, politics, war, general things, or even light jokes. They even could enjoy times sparring, despite she was a princess.

She did care about that young man. It was true.

... the proof? The tears which started to flow over her cheeks. It's been long since she actually cried. Last time she had cried, when one of Kooluk's 'dog killed an innocent citizen over nothing. She cried in the middle of night, regretted over her uselessness as a princess of Obel. And now, her tears' flowing silently, for someone who could be said as no one of hers.

"But now... I want to live... with every single moment I could, with everyone here. I'll live to my fullest, Commander..." He said. "I was wrong. People here are so kind. And this place, have became my home..."

He continued, after some silence occupied. There was a hint of happiness from his words. It added even more pain to Flare. He wanted to live so bad, yet he couldn't. His time, kept ticking closer and closer toward his death.

"I'll do it again, if anything gets to the worst. Just like when you defended Razril, Commander. Yes, I have no family, or a 'real' home for me. But, the people here have."

She could imagine, Lazlo smiled while saying so. He cared so much to people around him, so no one to lose their families. He protected people in the whole army as if they were his family. He understood the pain of grieving, so he tried his best so no one suffered the pain. He let himself the one who suffered, to be in pain, so no one ended up like him. On the top of that, he sacrificed his well being, and life.

As if he was atoning...

"And there's something, my two wishes..." Lazlo said. Flare quickly wiped her tears as she prepared to hear his wish. She would try her best in her ability to do it.

"... Snowe, I wish he could forgive me, for sending him away. You know it, Commander. Snowe isn't a bad person. He is my friend."

Oh, Flare realized she knew a bit about that Snowe. He was sent away again according to his close friend's story. She didn't know much about him, left alone to help Lazlo. But maybe she could do the next one.

"... And..." Lazlo sounded hesitating. Was it hard to fulfill It? Flare swore she would try her hardest.

He sighed, and his shadow lowered a bit. "... I wish, King Lino and Lady Elenor would send my body away if anything happened. I'll make this request in nearby time."

Flare wasn't expected that kind of wish. Send his body away? How on the earth she could do that?

"It sounds crazy, I know. But, at least..."

... to protect everyone from becoming its next host. The only way, to keep everyone save.

Once again, he prepared to make another huge self-sacrifice, just for his comrades, and friends.

Again, her tears started to flowing, as she couldn't hold her sobbings anymore...

* * *

 _Aaah... what was I thinking about, blabbering by my own...?_

Lazlo pounded his own forehead. His fever had gotten the best of him. He just realized, he hallucinated to see his Commander. His head was extremely dizzy. Everything looked a bit swirly. He only intended to take a small night patrol to force himself getting rest. It's really true, that he somewhat afraid for getting his eyes shut.

Without realized, his legs had led him to the confession box. For the first time ever, he chattered out what in his mind, and he didn't quite remember what had slipped out from his mouth. But it might be just fine, since he was alone.

Again, his vision starter to swirl. He touched his forehead, it's hot. He really need to get some rest, and hoping for no visions or screaming, as he needed that.

But, he stopped, when he heard someone's crying in the other side of the blind.

"Somebody's there...?" He asked, like when he entered the room before. Not good. He actually didn't want anyone listen. He couldn't even remember well what he had said.

No response. But that person was definitely the opposite gender, judging by the crying. The sobbing was actually quite gentle, and sounded as if she actually tried to hold it.

"... did you hear everything I said, from beginning?" Lazlo asked again. Again, no reply. But her crying sounded more and more obvious, meant as a yes. Lazlo felt guilty. He wasn't careful enough then made a girl crying. He should have just keep everything within his heart.

"I'm... really sorry..." Lazlo raised carefully as his head started to spinning again. He thought, it would be wise to not know the identity of that girl. He had made her upset, something Lazlo actually hate to do.

He smiled, with glint of sorrow within his blue eyes. Someone actually had lent her ears for his confession. He was guilty, but a bit thankful. He felt like someone, really shed her tears for him. It was something he never had.

"Thank you, for quietly listen to me." He thanked her with his soothing calm voice. "I'm truly grateful..."

Her crying didn't stop. Perhaps, she realized there's no point faking her existence, then she didn't hold her crying too much. He wanted to comfort her, but it wasn't a good idea. It's better to not know who listened to his confession.

Lazlo grabbed the door knob, and turned his head to the blind again, smiled sadly.

"Please, share this with no one... I don't want them to worry. And... sorry, if I made you cry."

Of course, that listener remained in silence. He sighed, and left while thanked her in his heart, for crying for him.

* * *

-Extra-

* * *

That night, Lino found her daughter, crying in that dark confession box. Rarely he saw her daughter crying, let alone crying her eyes out. The last time he had seem her daughter cried? Probably a good ten years, and it was only a silent cry with a drop of tear or two. His daughter had a strong heart and mind, yet had a gentle side that rarely shown. He dropped out the possibility of her harrased by men. When a Mordo island barbarian harrased her unknown as a princess, she just gave him a nice good-night slap. There were teeth falling by her mighty slap, Lo Hak mentioned.

She wasn't a princess for nothing.

But still, she was still a girl with gentle heart.

It's until an hour he comforting her beloved daughter to calmed a bit. Still, her tears didn't stop.

"... father... I don't want him to die... I really don't..."

 _Who?_ Lino wondered. Her daughter, despite from her young age, already understand that death is inevitable. But it's the first time since his wife's death, Flare saddened by it. It must be someone very special. A man? Ah, Lino still wanted to pamper her daughter a lot!

"Why 'it' has to choose him?"

Lino began to make picture of the situation, as he knocked out that 'someone-is-wooing-her-beloved-daughter' possibility.

"I feel so bad... He always put us... and everyone here before himself..." She said, with a little higher voice. Lino patted her back to ease her. "He said he wanted to live! But we always... always made him to sacrifice himself...!"

And Lino knew it immediately, after her words 'sacrifice'. It was that young man, who barely out from his teen age.

That young man, who would end up just like his wife...

Lino pulled her daughter and hugged her gently. His hand patted her back to ease her more, just like back then, when they had just lost two members of the royal family. Her daughter would be wailing in the middle of night, demanding for her mother and baby brother. She was just five that time.

"Honey..." Lino called, in fatherly manner, not as the king. "Why do you care of him so much?"

Flare shook her head. It means, Flare didn't take him as a love interest or something, and she confused. It's unexplainable for her daughter.

Lino continued to pat her back as he sighed.

"He is care about our well-being, hun. That's why did that," said Lino, simply. Flare nodded a little, and Lino touched her face. He wiped his precious' tears and looked at her.

"If you really want him to be his best, then smile. Show that you care for him. Be his support. That's we all can do for him. I'm sure he would be more happy with it."

It gave Flare few seconds for thought, and she finally nodded in agreement and hugged her father again. Lino wrapped his arm to her daughter to comfort her, and he was deeply in his thought.

 _... Is he really...?_ He thought. It's been in his mind for years. Flare's reaction toward him also shown something. He would need to send someone to investigate it, in secret.

How he wish it either to be true or not, for blood to be thicker than the water...


End file.
